69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Randomize
