Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
