this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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