I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
