meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
