the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
You're earring is so big in my mouth
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
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