The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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