I wish my penis had an off switch
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
