I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Randomize
