nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
