Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Randomize
