This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
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