Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
this will be a night to untag.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
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