I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
