white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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