How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
