Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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