just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
