I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Randomize
