So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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