I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
