I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
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