he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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