do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
