our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
