the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
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