Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
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