im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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