you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
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