I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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