my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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