I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
