remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
