In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
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