You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
