Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
how does that bad decision feel?
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
