Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
