Betty ford says i'm here all night
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
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