Don't you send me to vm
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
