Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
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