so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
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