you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
