I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
