Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
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