Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
