bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Randomize
