Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
