I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
