Well apparently he's into motor boating.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Randomize
