I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
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