I want to walk on stilts...naked
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
