After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
