I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
