where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
